Let’s Break!

underneath the stairwell braces


When I was going through my ‘awkward’ teenage stage, I fancied myself quite the break dancer. This phase was sandwiched between  my 3rd Reich/David Bowie obsession and my discovery of punk rock. So as you can see I was quite an odd child.

Anyways, I couldn’t break dance for shit. All I did was dress up in all the clothes which weren’t even the proper ones. For example, I couldn’t buy a real pair of Nikes with my allowance so what I did was buy a pair of shoes from the China Products store and paint Nike swooshes on their sides.

Not only that, but I had just sprouted in height and was all gangly and had neato 1980’s braces shining majestically from my pimply mouth.  My younger brother actually could break dance pretty well and on weekends we would head on over to Hollywood East in Hong Kong where all the Chinese breakers hung out.

My bros would dazzle em with his back spins and windmills and all these other moves I have forgotten the names to. Then they would expect me to bust some moves and I would stand there pretending I didn’t understand what they were saying by going, “Sprechen die Deutsch?”

Thankfully, this was a very short phase yet for some reason my Mum loved it. She said it was ‘cute’ and compared to the 3rd Reich and punk rock I guess it was.  She never took pictures of my cool phases like punk or oi, but took heaps of photos of my short lived break dancing career which she always used to show to my girlfriends.

My favourite band at the time was the Rock Steady Crew, I thought they were the coolest cunts out mate, especially fuckin Crazy Legs. Thanks to Youtube their videos are still around, although the lead singer, Baby Love isn’t. She broke her neck and died doing a head spin. And what more could you ask from life but to die doing what you love? That would be like me dying whilst having sex on MDMA. I really have to take a shit at the moment, you could say that I am “touching cloth,” yet I am going to grit my teeth, pucker the date and put up links to two Rock Steady Crew vids. You see the sacrifices I make for you? Well do you!?!?!?!?


Hey You




Then crack had to come along and fuck up everything.