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Prudence Tecumseths’s Hospice for Wayward Thespians

Little man in the boat

Little man in the boat

 

 

At work I listen to an ‘oldies’ station(old post from 2011). I steadfastly refuse to listen to any other station – they hurt my brain.

Mostly, the adverts are for funeral homes and medication for fellas that can’t crack a barnesy. The morning presenter always imparts a little of his culinary wisdom during his segment. Yesterday, he instructed how to make fried rice with chicken stock, insisting that it was beeeewdiful.

Their playlist is mainly 50’s and 60’s although sometimes a racier track from the 70’s sneaks it’s way in. It is by far my favourite radio station, nevertheless I still fire off the occasional letter of complaint.

Here is the one I sent last week:

To whom it may concern,

I have been an avid listener of your station for many moons. Your station has provided the soundtrack to my life in trying times and times of wonder and joy and merriment and times of sorrow and regret and laying prostrate underneath a man I do not even know the name of.

That is why it is difficult for me to write this letter and I do so with tears clouding my sight and considerable mucus build up in my sinuses. I simultaneously admire and despise you and feel great anger that you have so callously manipulated a loyal fans emotions to the degree that she has to permanently turn off your station to remain unsullied.

Perhaps you are wondering what could affront me in such a way? It is simple – your repeated and pithy playing of Tom Jones’s song ‘What’s New Pussycat,’ has left me feeling queasy as I am sure you are smirking at the hidden meaning of this song.

You would have to be a fool not to realise Mr. Jones is singing about female genitalia and the act of cunnilingus! “So go and powder your cute little pussycat nose,” sings the Welsh crooner, making a direct reference to the clitoris.

Or how about, “You’re delicious, and if my wishes can all come true, I’ll soon be kissing your sweet little pussycat lips.”?!? Translation: “your vaginal juices are pleasing to my palate and I am looking forward to performing the act of cunnilingus on you soon.”

This is the act of a degenerate and by extension, you are vis a vis responsible for encouraging such perversion with your school boy like playing of this abomination!

Go to hell you sick, filthy mongrel dogs I hate you!

Sincerely,

Prudence Tecumseth – an ex listener.